Furngh...

The minor dizziness that I had this morning has morphed into full-on dizziness. I've got this thing going on with my eyes where if I shift my gaze my vision bounces. Kind of hard to explain but if I'm focused on the tv then look at the lamp to the right of the tv, my gaze settles on the lamp but there's kind of a rebound back to what I used to be looking at before I can fully focus on the lamp. It's not so bad but it gets hairy if my gaze switches around quickly, then I'm freakin bouncing all over hell.

I had a bit of panic, went to all the effexor withdrawal message boards and made a list of supplements that folks said work to alleviate all this stuff. I did a quick field sobriety test with Lara then jumped in the car and headed to the supplement store. If La could have been in my head to see what it was like for me to drive she'd have had a full-on cow of biblical proportions. Because of the vision bouncing stuff, driving is dangerous for me. I pretty much holy-shitted myself to the supplement store which was luckly only about a mile away.

Then I had to figure out how to not look or act like a complete nut in the store, which didn't last long. I couldn't effing see anything because there's all those bottles and my vision was bouncing all over and everything was way too bright and I nearly ran screaming from the place when the guy asked if I needed any help. I told him what was up, told him I was going through anti-depressant withdrawals, told him I'd made a list of shit from the internet that had helped folks, and basically put myself at his mercy. He asked which meds and I told him effexor.

He said that coming off of effexor is pretty much the same as coming off of an extacy overdose. Both substances act the same way. The guy said a lot that made it sound like he knew what he was talking about, enough for me to trust him enough to take his recommendations.

The first and big one was 5-HTP (5-Hydroxytryptophan) which from what I understand helps the body to kick in serotonin production once again. Next up is Omega-3 (Highly concentrated EPA and DHA) which helps with all the brain nonsense. Lastly is Ashwagandha (Withania Somifera) which is supposed to ease the stress of the withdrawal and coping with all the nonsense. To cover my ass I have to say that I'm not a doctor and my brain is pretty much completely fried at the moment, so taking this stuff or mistaking this for advice is completely fucking nuts. Remember what Nancy Reagan said to Arnold Jackson, "Pass the cootchie by the left-hand side my little man..."

Anyway, back to my nonsense. Drove myself home, holy shitting the whole way. Stumbled out of the car and took all my supplements. And I have to say it did help at least for a little while. The vision jacking and the dizziness subsided enough for me to get through dinner and helping out with putting the kids to bed and a bit of web surfing time. But now things are back to full on and are probably a little worse than before.

The nice thing though was that about ten minutes ago I got my first good brain zap. Kind of like a nice rush from my head out to my extremities. Sort of like polite lightning. I knew these were in the cards and the anticipation was rough but now that I got the first one out of the way and it wasn't so bad, I actually feel better. Just had another one right there. And there's another one. Great.

I'm not looking forward to going to bed tonight. Last night I had some very vivid and bizzare dreams. From what I remember we were living in a trailer in a very fancy cemetery. One of my great-aunts had died and we went in to this huge funerary chapel for the final viewing and my whole family was there. La decided to crawl into the casket with her and in the process of climbing in my great-aunt woke up and asked what the hell was going on. I'd had the foresight to record it all on video on a cellphone. We closed the casket and showed the video to the rest of the family who told us we'd done the right thing since once you're in the casket, you're dead. No exceptions.

Sure that's a nightmare but it was very interesting and engaging. And the vividness, while disturbing, is kind of cool.

I mean fuck, gotta work the bright side of all this, right?