19 posts tagged “the boy”
Yep, he calls it a football stick.
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This morning I woke up to the sound of a child bouncing a small metallic something on the tempered glass kitchen table. I jumped out of bed. The back of my chest hurt and I was dizzy, listing to the right as I made my way down to the kitchen. Turned out the boy was down there tossing a nickel on the table while pigging out on grapes. No big deal. The dizzy and the lung thing however is odd. I guess I'll wait and see what happens.
I've got a headache. It's not a coffee thing because I've drenched my head in coffee so I'm not sure what's up.
Survived the gir's 4th birthday party on Saturday. 15 kids total and a bunch of moms. I didn't take a single picture as I didn't have time. We'd get them into an activity and they'd all be into it and gradually the group attention span would drift steadily away from whatever and they'd run off, forming a pack as they went, tearing around the house until we got the next activity going.
I invented a game called Run Around The Couch in which participants would run around the big couch in the basement then jump on and pretend to be asleep. Then repeat the process, switching up the on the couch activity from time to time. Once we did "pretend you're a pirate" instead of "pretend you're asleep" which, as the words crossed my lips I was showered with a chorus of "arrrghs" and beaten mercilessly with pillows. Apparently the young boys present had not yet mustered respect for their fellow man's family jewels and one of the little scamps got not two but three mighty shots in.
Anyway, it's Monday, I'm at work with a headache, and I'm meeting the gang at the mall for lunch which should be cool.
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As evidenced by what she said and did to reign in the kids at the library yesterday. See they got her while she was vulnerable, while she was checking out books and videos at the front desk. The hooligans took off running and giggling through the music section. Mom thinks fast and says,
"Hey, c'mere and smell my pants..."
The girl runs over and smells mom's pants. Goes on long enough to finish checking out. Totally calms the girl down and diffuses the situation.
This, friends, is nothing less than completely brilliant. I tend to think along the same lines as this when things get whacky with the kids. For instance if they're screaming and yelling I'll tell them to race to their room, loser is a rotten chicken butt. They take off and I get a moment of silence. Gotta think fast you know, and be smart, and always bring your A game.
But man, nothing I've ever said or remember saying beats "Hey, c'mere and smell my pants..."
I'm not sure I'd have had the guts to say that in public and I don't know if having the kids smell my pants would be worth it. I don't know but I'm assuming the worst, that my pants stink. I know they don't but you know, I don't want anyone smelling my pants in case they do stink. Because if I'm out and about and my pants stink for whatever reason I'm going to want to abandon ship, and hilarity will ensue.
And if the kids smell my pants and they stink and I freak out even a little bit, they'll file it away in their evil brain and get me with it when I'm vulnerable. It becomes a trump card. "Jeez dad, your pants sure do stink..." and off I go running.
Anyway, kudos, major kudos to my brilliant wife for thinking fast and smart on her feet. Man she's the best, I swear.
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Happens to the best of us sometimes. Oh well.
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Each evening if I'm lucky enough to get home at just the right time, I get to eat dinner with the family. Last night The Wife whipped up chicken, bean and pepper burritos which were quite fine. The concept of "make your own burrito" was somewhat lost on the kids as they just ate the components.
The Wife made the mistake of suggesting dessert under her breath. As soon as The boy registered the word, he jumped out of his seat, dumped his dinner in the trash, and was all set for whatever Mom had in mind. Which turned out to be ice cream with frozen fruit topping.
